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12/2/07 01:32 am - use your tuition

My dad and I just had a good long talk about Justin.  The best talk I've had with him in a long time.  I like when my dad talks to me, like really talks to me, I always talk with my mom, she knows whats up but my dad just always picks his own time to delve into the little details in my life.

He gave me some good advice and basically just told me that what I'm feeling is okay and that I just need to be honest with myself and with Justin.  The best part was at the end of our conversation, he wanted to say use your intuition but for some crazy reason he said tuition and then repeated that sentence about 5 times.  I love my dad, he always tries to choose his words so wisely when he speaks and then he says something so funny >.< It makes me smile like this :D haha

I have to work in 61/2 hours. It's so hard to get on a regular sleep schedule. I stayed up all day today after work and went to sleep at 6pm and then woke up 5 hours later :/ I was hoping I could do my regular 10 hr weekend sleep.... but things never work the way I want them too.

I think I might buy myself a digital camera since, I have more money than I thought I did :)

I feel so crazy lately.  Seriously absolutely... insane.

I looked into taking kick boxing.  I totally think I would kick some ass.

11/20/07 11:13 am - im sick :(

I've got the flu that everyone has been passing around. Working last night sucked. The box dust just made me cough more than usual and my head felt like it was ready to explode.

I've had several weird dreams lately.

1. Going to hang out with Jimmy Pop (of the bloodhound gang) in his large mansion. What I remember of this, was being very very excited to go see this man and his house.

2. Being at a water park which was set in the 1400's (everyone was dressed pilgrim style) it was a little boys birthday so the people who worked there were bringing him pizza and cake. They did this veeeery quietly, I didn't think anything of it, and then the little boy started screaming with excitement. Kid was way to happy about the pizza but it happens, and then these guards who I hadn't noticed pop out of noooowhere and shoot the little boy. The boy died and I sat holding his dad who looked like an amish man. It was very weird. I woke up like "whaaaa?"

3. I work with this guy named Kevin, he's 22 very quiet, but really nice, I've worked with him for 2 years and I genuinely think he's an awesome person. Well I have a dream that Kevin has me tied down to a bed in a "hostel" type of place. He doesn't say anything I just remember thinking, why is Kevin doing this? So Kevin cuts off my legs from the knee caps down and scraps the skin off of the back of my thighs off, with what I don't know. The whole dream my perspective was seriously from a laying down point of view with my head turned, like I was really tied down there. That one weirded me out really bad.

I hate dreams. They always make me wonder what they mean, and the last two just creeped me out. They seemed very real at the time I was having them.

I'm going to Louisville Thursday and if I get home in time I might go see Gorilla ZOE, might! and Saturday some kids from high school are performing at  some rap battle at turfway park, so i'm going  to that.

I  miss Canada.
I'm still  confused.
And I feel like I have the black lung.
Current Mood: sick

11/13/07 10:07 pm - O Canada

I had so much fun over the past few days. It feels like a month of time has passed since last thursday. I'm truely sad that it has ended. Britt left me just an hour ago and I have to go to work in an hour :( it stinks

But anyways Canada, although we didn't do much, it was amazing! CM in bags, ketchup chips, carrs, hoouses, bloouses, and the canadians :D are all so amazing. More amazing than I ever thought. I want to go back... now. We almost cried crossing the border. 

The highlights of the weekend:

Does that say Chix with Dix?
Shoes... oh... stupid boooy
Do you like my tiara
Premium Caesar Salad
Alissa Obese-uh
i wanna play a game
woooooooow
hot pants
curling irons
wellington, talbot, john wise line

No words can describe how much fun I had and how much I will anticipate the time until we go back!

duel citizenship ftw




but anyways... i no longer know what i want. justin and i constantly fight. things just aren't good at all. i wish i could just get away from it.

10/6/07 09:23 am - Ssssonic

I just got off work, I'm eating Sonic again. They're so addicting.

Me and Jess have been getting really close.  I'm very honored that she opened up and told me that she's gay.  I kind of already new, I mean the way she dresses and the way she was talked about her "best friend" wasn't as subtle as she thought.  But she said I'm the only girl besides her gf that she trusts to talk too.

I'm worried about Wanda like always, we're going to fear fest to hopefully cheer her up.

8/15/07 08:53 pm - ~~~~~~~~~~

I got a car! I got a car!
A brand new car!
A hyundai accent, i'm so cheap, and sooo cool, brand new car!

I was singing this the whole drive home.

:D
Current Mood: PUMPED

8/11/07 07:49 am - marry, marry why ya buggin (its a pun!!!)

I had sooooooooooo much fun in virginia!!!!! It was the time with Justin that I've wanted for so long. We didn't do anything special we just hung out and enjoyed each other. We went down to the beach at high tide, the waves were humongous!!!, and rode them in. I love the ocean, its so scary and mysterious, and so beautiful. On Tuesday we took Justin to his base, where I thought we would be saying our goodbyes, but we found he could hang with us the rest of the night, he brought his Navy buddy Abate along. We went down to the boardwalk, Justin won me a cute little bear at the carnival and we all just walked and talked. When we dropped them off that night, I was sad, but I was also very happy. I hadn't felt that emotionally fulfilled in a long, long time. We kissed each other a million times and although I thought I would, I was just too happy to cry. :)

Buuuut I'm back at home now and although I'm still super pumped about the time I spent with him, I'm getting sad again. I can't wait until I don't have to go through anymore "leave of absences". So.... we've been talking about getting married, like..... soon.  We're going to see how we feel after he gets back from his deployment. We're trying not to make hastey decisions.

All I know is, I know what I want, I know what he wants, I just don't know how everyone else will feel. I want to make myself happy though.
Current Music: Black Milk
Current Mood: chipper

5/31/07 05:35 pm - :D

I'm happy! I miss Justin soo much. I'm adjusting, its still kind of weird not having him AAAAALWAYS around. I like his room mate, I'm glad Justin has him, otherwise I don't know if he'd enjoy himself all too much.

This picture looks gross. I love it. But it looks like we're just smashing our fat heads together, haha.

Current Mood: chipper

5/7/07 11:54 am - HONOR COURAGE AND COMMITMENT

Thursday I left with Justin's sister's Keri and Jessica and we headed to Great Lakes, IL for Justins graduation. Chicago traffic is one of the lamest things I've ever experienced and the construction is absolutely ridiculous. But besides the traffic and getting lost in korea town the drive wasn' t all that bad. The hardest part was getting on to base, because we had no passes, after they let us on they still didn't even check our IDs I thought it was obnoxious. We got to the camper which was really nice and was right on Lake Michigan, which looks like an ocean it was so pretty, I love sleeping with the sounds of waves crashing.

The next morning we all got up and got ready for Justin's graduation. Once again there was a bit of trouble but we made it to the ceremony right on time. Justin looked so handsome in his dress blues! After the ceremony was over the families were allowed to go down on the floor and find there loved ones. I spotted him first and ran! It was like a movie, he picked me up and held me so tight, ah I'm going to remember that forever. He kept tellling me how skinny and short I am, he's silly where was he 3 months ago? I look the same. He got to spend an hour and a half with us and then he had to check into A-school. We thought we'd be seeing Justin all day Saturday, but later on Friday he called and told us he would be allowed to see us AND stay the night with us until Sunday! The whole weekend reinforced every feeling I have for him. I'm going to marry him, i know it, even though I feel silly saying it. I just never thought I'd be this girl. Anyways leaving him yesterday was just another bummer. I felt like I should have stayed :/ forever and ever haha. I would if I could.

I'm so proud of him though, he did so well. His Chief even told us that he was number 2 in his division. I love my sailor man :D

3/28/07 03:55 pm - yayayay

I got 3 letters from justin today. The first one was almost manic and upset me, I wish I could hold him, kiss him and let him know how proud I am of him. But the second and third, were more him. He's not doing too bad, he got a promotion. He's educational petty officer, he's in charge of teaching stuff to the other recruits, he said it's a lot of pressure. I'm glad he's doing so well, it makes my heart get all warm and gushy. He said they get called "fuck stick" a lot, I would not be able to handle that. 

Emma is back to her normal self. We put a table in front of the top of the stairs so she couldn't walk down them. But she ended up jumping over it today, she landed on the stairs perfectly though. I just hope she doesn't mess up her stitches.

I'm in such a good mood. I wish it wasn't raining. 

I'm worried about Wanda. I don't think she realizes or even cares that she's in a bad situation. I don't know how else to help besides offer to come get her and help her move home, but she doesn't want to. 

I guess I'm going to go lvl up on wow. pwnz ur buttz... WOWOWOOWOW

Current Mood: SO HAPPY!

3/9/07 02:38 pm - LOUISVILLE!

I saw Justin off on Wednesday, the goodbye was abrupt and broke my heart, but I'm proud that he got made the leader of his group. His mom already got his address so that we can write to him, I'm going to write everyday, starting today. He didn't get to make his one phone call. His mom was expecting to hear from him but never did so she called the recruiter, he said they have to earn it so who knows when she will hear from him. I hope she calls me and tells me when and what he said. I can't wait until his graduation, he'll look so cute in his blues.

Anyways... I had lots of fun while in Louisville, Brittany kept my head out of the sad stuff and we had some good old times. Britt and I being the bad asses that we are went and got pierced and then hung out with Eddie. I know you both can read this, but I'll be cheese-y and go ahead and say how happy I am that you guys are... friends again. Eddie you look so handsome and you're such a nice guy, I hope to see lots more of you and your pal Chris, you all crack me up... I also got to see my long lost cousin David and little miss Andrea. I'm positive that I'll be going down there more often, I love everyone down there and I'm always happy when I'm there. I love Louisville.

I have to work tonight, I haven't been in two weeks, I don't want to go back. :(
Current Mood: content

10/29/06 05:17 pm

Justin and I are on a break. Don't know what's going to happen really, we talked earlier and he said we should talk about getting back together, I want to but I don't know. I don't know if I can handle my jealousy, I know he can't handle it. I just want a good strong, happy, fun relationship. We'll see.

I had tons of fun last night. Heather Deathrage is very niiiice.

yea borat.

soccer tonight.

date with liz friday.

louisville saturday? maybe, hopefully.

9/30/06 08:56 pm - it aint my fault did i do that

I wrote an evaluation paper about flavor of love for my writing class. I'll definately get an Apuhlus.

About to go to levi's then Wes's.

Can't wait for the game tomorrow.

I need to request my vacation days at work. 



How hot will he get?

9/22/06 09:17 pm

I hate working friday nights.

I'm shopping with Wanda tomorrow, Im excited. I need new clothes and I have lots of money to spend.

I found out that Johnny died at the end of August. He overdosed on heroin. I feel weird about it, it's hard to describe. I don't think its hit me yet.

9/9/06 09:32 pm

I'm going to the Bengals vs Ravens game November 30, I can't wait!!!

The boys HAVE to win tomorrow against Kansas City, everyone keeps saying, "Oh they have such a horrible schedule." I can't wait til the Bengals win EVERY game and I can say SUCK ON THAT to all of the doubters.

School is cool. So glad I'm going. I'm pretty proud, I've been doing my homework and haven't procrastinated once.

I'm saving money right now, I need a new car. Something cheap and small. The old taurus is sucking so much. I have to get up to like 8,000,000 RPMs to go from 5 mph to 30 mph. And I love how when I'm driving it feels like the engine is having a seizure. I guess I can't really complain, I made it that way. Plus I'm still using it, and didn't have to buy it.

Found out that Keith choked the baby because it wouldn't stop crying... wow. Erika didn't tell me that, but I'm definately glad they don't have custody of the baby anymore.

I'm happy, like really really really happy and have been.


I'm thinking about becoming a proffesional BenGAL, I think it would be a smart career move.
Current Mood: bengal fevaaaa

8/24/06 11:25 am

School is good so far, I like my teachers. Especailly my history teacher. My womens studies class is a lot more interesting than expected. My art class may be a disappointment, i heard it isn't very challenging.

thats it i guess.

oh yea i'm going canoeing with nick on the 2nd pretty excited about that.

britts party yayayayyaya

8/1/06 07:03 pm - Pup a wup

I adopted a puppy. She's 6 weeks old and the most adorable thing ever. She's so itty bitty and sweet. I named her emma. I have to take her to the vet this week, he should be able to tell us what kind of dog she is and how big she may end up being. I'm excited. Ever since Socks died all I've wanted is a doggy. My dad likes her so that's a plus. She's gonna be a good nap buddy.

I'm nervous about school and have no idea why.

I got all my stuff done that I've been putting off for months. Also realized that I wasn't having trouble motivating myself to get motivated, I just wasn't taking responsibility for the things that I have to do for myself. I need to stop depending on others to get my stuff done.

7/28/06 06:56 pm

I'm irresponsible and don't deserve to drive.

7/23/06 09:34 pm

Home from Louisville, drank some draaaanks for Britt's bday.

Happy Birthday Ashley... do you read this??? Congrats on the engagement.

7/23/06 10:40 am

Had a lot of fun last night saw erin, dill, tara, all the people i haven't seen since me heather and travis got into it. It was nice. and then I passed out... cool.

stuff today... sssssssssssecret stuff.

I'm happy. I've been happy for a while. Good stuff.

7/16/06 06:27 pm

Reds 6-4, awesome game. Well pretty boring til the 8th inning in which the reds scored 5 and won the game!
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